Brown Beatdown

So here we are, 8-5-1, after a dismantling of the hapless Cleveland Browns, which wasn't as close as a 30-10 score might indicate. That probably should have been the score at halftime, but whatever. It was nice to know that even the Eagles couldn't blow that kind of lead, though of course I was reluctant to say such a thing out loud, for fear of the kiss of death.

The Donovan McNabb roller coaster ride continues its latest upswing, and all of a sudden it's like he can't miss. Except for the play call and execution of the last play of the first half, resulting in the second end-zone interception of the game, and a text message to my friend Matt that could only say "STUPID STUPID STUPID." Westbrook continues his resurgent rampage, spelled now by Correll Buckhalter and Kyle Eckel, the big bruising runner the Eagles have missed since...Refrigerator Perry? (Who knows if he might have been the difference in those torturous Bears and Redskins fiascoes?) And Asante Samuel made an athletic pick six, killing any spark of momentum sought by Ken Dorsey and the Browns.

And yet, as always, there are a couple of things we need to discuss:

1) Andy Reid, your playcalling has suddenly improved since the debacle against the Ravens just three weeks ago. I must give credit where it's due. But here you are, moving the ball at will against a miserable defense, and you once again resort to trickery? DeSean Jackson at quarterback? Yes, it would've been kinda cool if they'd have pulled it off. And it's not to say that there isn't a place for that kind of thing. But that surely wasn't it. Enough with the "cleverness." Just put the ball in the end zone.

2) Asante Samuel. The word "incredulous" was invented for the look on my face when Samuel, running back his interception, flipped the ball away before crossing the goal line. Are. You. Kidding. Me. It was one thing when a cocky rookie did that on Monday Night Football. (DeSean, you are forgiven.) It is entirely another for a six-year, All-Pro veteran cornerback to do that. At least he had some sense to pick up the ball in the end zone. If they had lost that, I would've lost it. I understand you're excited cause you haven't done that in a while, but get a hold of yourself.

3) Kevin Curtis. Welcome back to the land of the living.

Boys, if you're reading this blog, let's make it happen. Find every ounce of strength, courage, and magic you've got, and let's beat up on the Skins and Cowboys. Wouldn't it be sweet if we knocked Dallas out on the same day we punched our ticket?

Have faith. And maybe, just maybe, it'll happen.
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Other Musings: Through 30 games, the Flyers are 17-7-6. How's that for appropriate patriotism from Philadelphia? And oh yeah, even though they're still four points back, they've also played four fewer games than the Rangers. 2nd-ranked power play, only behind Detroit, and a league-leading 12 shorthanded goals. Love this team.

I don't care at all for NASCAR, and all the more so since I discovered the name of one of their legends is Dick Trickle. How unfortunate is that name?

Not only is drinkability ridiculous, the concept is actually spreading. I saw a commercial recently for Optimum digital something or other, that has "great shareability." Kill me.

Everytime I think of Big Papi now, I think of that MLB commercial where the guy in the Red Sox hat in Japan is mistaken for Ortiz. Because he's wearing the official hat. To assert that the Japanese people are really that dumb is absurd, and probably racist. Only Americans would be that stupid. "You no Big Paaaapi."

And you might have heard that the Yankees stole away CC and AJ. But I don't really care. I've learned that my front door opens a whole lot more easily with the help of my World Champion keychain.

Flipping the Birds

Ok, so I lied. And, to be completely honest, I'm pretty sure I knew I was lying at the time I said it. But, to be fair, I think you all knew I was lying too. "No more Eagles postings" was not only untrue, it was foolish of me to ever expect to follow through on it. Then again, when I wrote that, there was absolutely nothing available to indicate that there were actual human beings inhabiting the uniforms of the Philadelphia Eagles. I know without a doubt in my heart that you understood my frustrations, because you felt them too.

With that said, a week of vacation and a half-week of catching up at work has changed, well, almost everything. And all I can do is ask the question that seems to be on everyone's lips:

Where the hell has this team been all season?

I was honestly dreading the game against the Cardinals, fearing we'd be the last victim of three blowouts on Thanksgiving Day. And yet, for the first time all season, McNabb showed up before kickoff, capitalizing on Arizona turnovers to jump out 14-0, never looking back. Having the pleasure of being in the Philly area for the holiday, I loved watching the Comcast post-game show with Governor Ed Rendell (which I still think is the coolest thing). All four of them were sarcastically marveling how successful this team can be when it actually uses Brian Westbrook.

And the defense shined against the Giants this past Sunday, holding them to just 211 yards total offense. And those numbers included the 70-yard garbage-time touchdown with time running out in the game. Westbrook's 203 all-purpose yards and two touchdowns were reminiscent of Marshall Faulk on those Super Bowl Ram teams. And, perhaps the most telling statistic, the Birds were 12 for 18 on third down conversions. Remember those?

And suddenly, the Eagles have an outside chance at making the playoffs. Now, I'm certainly not counting on it. In fact, I'm betting that they'll come as close as they can, just to keep us all interested, and fall just short. And then how huge will that stupid tie against Cinci be? (For the love of God, the Bengals are 1-11-1. How ridiculous is that? Almost as ridiculous as the fact that we couldn't beat them, or that Donovan didn't know that a game could end in a tie.)

But maybe, just maybe, the tie will make them a half-game better than someone and they'll sneak in, and try to be--I hate that I'm about to say this--this year's Giants.

Who knows?

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Other Musings: A new Chevy commercial talks about people suffering from "importitis," the notion that imported cars are somehow better than American-made autos. Now, I'm no doctor, but if "importitis" were a real condition, it would be an inflammation of one's import. And that just doesn't make any sense.

Chris Berman said in the Blitz this Sunday, "It's not Pepe LePew, it's Pierre Thomas." What? Seriously, if anyone reading this has any influence with ESPN whatsoever, I'm begging you, for the sake of humanity, do your part in taking the microphone away from that caricature's yapper.

I just read that the Arena Football League is going to cancel its 2009 season, perhaps folding for good. I'm sorry to hear that, but if that's the case, then the Philadelphia Soul would be the final Arena Bowl champion. Guess the league knew it couldn't top that.

Don't look now, but the Flyers are only 4 points behind the Rangers for first place in the Atlantic Division. Told you I liked this team.

And lastly, you probably heard by now that the hated Mets have signed K-Rod, still the dumbest nickname that exists. Some thoughts:

a) The Mets are the new Yankees (and the Yankees are still the Yankees)

2) The man may have broken the saves record with 62, but he blew 7 more. 48-48 is much more impressive than 62-69.

d) It doesn't matter how good a closer you have if your middle relief is an embarrassment.

IV) Wasn't Santana supposed to be the answer last year? When the Mets choke and miss the playoffs again, this signing will only make it that much sweeter.

6) Isn't it nice that the league is trying to play catch-up with us, rather than the other way around?

and g) Who cares? I've learned that water tastes better when I drink it out of my World Series Champion glass.

Les Miserables

I was going to take the advice of my friend Scott and, like last week, pretty much ignore the Eagles entirely. As people have been saying things to me like, "You must be pretty frustrated by the Eagles," my new favorite response has been, "Why, is there a football team in Philadelphia?"

But I can't ignore this. This is out of control. It is not only shameful, it is an absolute disgrace. From everything I heard about yesterday's game, and then having seen the lowlights this morning, I am so, so grateful that I didn't waste any more hours of my life watching this miserable excuse for a football team.

I can't believe Andy Reid is still calling in passes on 3rd and 1, or that his one decent move all season--benching McNabb--actually came at a time where it made the least sense, down only 10-7 at the half. I can't believe he still thinks we're okay at the wide receiver position, or that Donovan still likes to throw the ball into the middle of three defenders. And I certainly can't believe that the only points we scored all day were on the first kickoff return for a touchdown since 2001.

Simply put, I'm done with this team. No more Eagles postings. Reid needs to go, McNabb needs to go. Until then, I'm all about the Flyers (9-4 since their rough start) and Sixers (starting to figure it all out). On Thursday, the only bird I'll be focused on is the Thanksgiving turkey.

After the game, Donovan said, "At the present time, I'm not even thinking about what happens after the season is over."

I sure am.

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Other Musings:

I think I'm going to start a contest to come up with a business slogan for the Eagles. All entries welcome, and the winner may land a guest spot on the blog. My opening entry:

Reid and McNabb, Inc.: Inventing ways to lose since 1999.

The AT&T commercial where the missed call regards the alarm code? Are you kidding me? Who goes to house-sit someone's place without knowing that first? What kind of friend only plans to give that information in a phone call and doesn't leave a message? Both of them deserve to be arrested and jailed on multiple counts of utter stupidity.

Recently I found myself ready to vent about the pathetic state of giving athletes nicknames. Everybody is just their initials, or (Letter)-Rod. A guy's got a name like LaDainian and all you've got is LT? Nevermind that he's not even the first famous LT. Even worse, and a reason I started to root passionately against him, is BJ Upton. You know why he's BJ? Not because the B is Bernie or Bobby or Billy. No. It's Bossman. BJ is short for Bossman Junior. That might just be the lamest thing I've ever heard. I thought the kids who gave themselves nicknames, let alone dumb ones, were the ones who got beat up......

HOWEVER, my faith was restored when I learned the moniker for ridiculously-named Patriots running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis. They call him Law Firm. As in, that's what his name sounds like. Big fan of that one. Best since calling Kordell Stewart "Slash" because he was a QB/RB/WR/KR/PR.

And finally, in case you needed a reminder, the Phillies are still World Champs. And this week in ESPN the Mag was the first time I'd read a reference to this team. The Sports Guy, guiding us through the YouTube clip of the 1976 Battle of the Network Stars, wrote, "Gabe is mauled by his euphoric team. They do everything but pile on top of him like the 2008 Phillies." Love it.